I can look and not buy...it's called WINDOW SHOPPING

To keep myself positive about TTC I look at baby stuff online. I have stopped looking in the stores because that bothers Chad but what he doesn't know won't hurt him. I think I have everything picked out...stroller, highchair, swing, bouncer, bumbo, nursing pillow, and glider. Chad wants to paint our extra bedroom (which does need painted) but I can't see painting it and then once we get preggo have to paint it again to match the gender. I can't seem to get him to understand my concept.

Nothing new in the baby department, just waiting for Oct. 13th. Tonight I have plans with a pizza and Grey's Anatomy. I've looked forward to tonight for months!

Passing the time

Since I don't have my own kids to spoil yet, I spoil my little cousin and Chad's niece. Ella was at my in-laws so I took my little cousin, Reese who's 19 months old, to play with Chad's niece, Ella who's 3 1/2 years old.

Cory and Jen's Shower

My brother, Cory, and his fiance Jen are getting married on October 18th so my mom and I had them a shower today. It was a lot of work but I think everyone had a good time. They received a lot of nice things for their future house.

Chad and I bought a new storm door for our front door. We finally have all 15 windows in so we are doing other things to house now. Before long we will have a whole new house!

Sad and Alone

Chad is gone to St. Paul, Minnesota this week for training. I get the call from my doctor with the results when he's not here to help me through it. I barely had the phone hung up before I broke down. Yes, I've always wanted kids but I'm not sure how much more I can put my body through. It's easy for Chad to say "We can't give up, we can't be quiters." But it's not his body that gets screwed up with each round of drugs. It's not his body that has hot flashes like a women going through menopause. It's not his body that they draw blood from almost every month. It's just not his decision and his decision alone. I'm worried about how we are going to be able to afford more treatment. My insurance is okay but it does not cover fertility treatments. If Chad would be for adoption I would look into that. But he is totally against it and he won't even talk about it. He won't even let me get a dog. He has no idea that I need that something to take care and be responsible for. It would ease the ache I have in my heart that seems to be getting harder to deal with each passing day.

Ever since I was a little girl playing with my dolls, I wanted to be a mom. But also when I was younger I knew that it wouldn't be easy for me to be a mom, I just knew I would have issues. It's hard to believe what you do and think when you are young.

Bloodwork...Take 5

250mg didn't work. So my doctor has referred us on to a reproductive specialist in Overland Park, KS. Our first appointment is October 13th.