Christmas

At every holiday I think to myself, "next year we'll have our little here". So far next year hasn't made it yet. So it's Christmas once again and no baby. I was a little disappointed but I tried not to let it get me down. We were busy giong here and there. We divided our time up between my family, his family and the two of us.

And the family grows again

Today is my brother's wedding. We traveled to St. Louis yesterday and did the whole rehoursal and dinner. Now is the BIG day. After Chad's tux not fitting (he could have worn just the shirt, tie, vest, and shoes) he had to make a run to downtown St. Louis to pick up the rest of this tux. We got to the church and got dressed around 10am. The ceremony didn't start until 1pm so we had plenty of time for pictures. And boy were there pictures! The ceremony finally was over and the bridal party had to load up in a "limo bus" and drive all over St. Louis to take pictures until 7pm. It was a very long day but it was a beautiful ceremony and wonderful reception.

Meeting the RE

Well, I've been looking forward and dreading this trip. Chad and I decide to make a mini vacation out of it though. We left Saturday and had the weekend to goof around. Anyway onto the appointment. We arrive 30 minutes early as directed to do so and I start filling out a mountain of paperwork. They take us back to a consult room and I go across the hall to be weighed. The physician assistant comes in and gets background of what we have already been through. Then the doctor comes in...and...I start to get nervous! He basically says that I need to lose weight. Okay, having PCOS makes a female gain weight like crazy but losing weight is extremely difficult. So to help in this process he prescribed Metformin. He told me he wanted me to lose 50 pounds. Hello? 50 pounds! Then we can check into further treatments.

The plan:
Lose weight!

I can look and not buy...it's called WINDOW SHOPPING

To keep myself positive about TTC I look at baby stuff online. I have stopped looking in the stores because that bothers Chad but what he doesn't know won't hurt him. I think I have everything picked out...stroller, highchair, swing, bouncer, bumbo, nursing pillow, and glider. Chad wants to paint our extra bedroom (which does need painted) but I can't see painting it and then once we get preggo have to paint it again to match the gender. I can't seem to get him to understand my concept.

Nothing new in the baby department, just waiting for Oct. 13th. Tonight I have plans with a pizza and Grey's Anatomy. I've looked forward to tonight for months!

Passing the time

Since I don't have my own kids to spoil yet, I spoil my little cousin and Chad's niece. Ella was at my in-laws so I took my little cousin, Reese who's 19 months old, to play with Chad's niece, Ella who's 3 1/2 years old.

Cory and Jen's Shower

My brother, Cory, and his fiance Jen are getting married on October 18th so my mom and I had them a shower today. It was a lot of work but I think everyone had a good time. They received a lot of nice things for their future house.

Chad and I bought a new storm door for our front door. We finally have all 15 windows in so we are doing other things to house now. Before long we will have a whole new house!

Sad and Alone

Chad is gone to St. Paul, Minnesota this week for training. I get the call from my doctor with the results when he's not here to help me through it. I barely had the phone hung up before I broke down. Yes, I've always wanted kids but I'm not sure how much more I can put my body through. It's easy for Chad to say "We can't give up, we can't be quiters." But it's not his body that gets screwed up with each round of drugs. It's not his body that has hot flashes like a women going through menopause. It's not his body that they draw blood from almost every month. It's just not his decision and his decision alone. I'm worried about how we are going to be able to afford more treatment. My insurance is okay but it does not cover fertility treatments. If Chad would be for adoption I would look into that. But he is totally against it and he won't even talk about it. He won't even let me get a dog. He has no idea that I need that something to take care and be responsible for. It would ease the ache I have in my heart that seems to be getting harder to deal with each passing day.

Ever since I was a little girl playing with my dolls, I wanted to be a mom. But also when I was younger I knew that it wouldn't be easy for me to be a mom, I just knew I would have issues. It's hard to believe what you do and think when you are young.

Bloodwork...Take 5

250mg didn't work. So my doctor has referred us on to a reproductive specialist in Overland Park, KS. Our first appointment is October 13th.

Bloodwork...Take 4

200mg didn't work, let's try 250mg.

Bloodwork...Take 3

150mg Clomid didn't work. Moving on up to 200mg.

We made it one year

Today is our first wedding anniversary! We spent the weekend in Tulsa, Oklahoma to treat ourselves. We didn't do too much. We ate some really good BBQ at Billy Sim's. Now it's time to see what the next year brings us.

Bloodwork...Take 2

100mg of Clomid didn't work. On to 150mg. I also got tested for insulin resistance which I'm not.

Bloodwork...Take 1

50mg Clomid didn't work. Next cycle 100mg.

Round 1

I start my first round of Clomid (50mg). If you don't know what Clomid is it is a fertility drug that is supposed to help you ovulate. I take it for 5 days, CD5-9. I also start doing ovulation predictor kits 3 days after I take the last pill.

And we continue

Today I have an appointment at Cox Hospital for an HSG test. We had to be there by 8:30am and the weather was awful! Snow and ice everywhere and more was coming down. We finally got to the hospital around 8:45 and I got all checked in and we headed to radiology. Chad was with the entire time. I have to change into a gown and lay on the cold table. Since this test is done in your female regions it was really uncomfortable. I got all situated and my doctor came in to perform the test. They use a cathetor to shot dye into my tubes. I had to lay flat, roll to my right, and roll to my left. They took a few pictures and I was done. I then waddled to the bathroom to clean up the best I could. It was only painful for a few minutes but I was glad to hear that the college was closed due to the weather and I got to home and rest. The test showed that my tubes were clear and that was not the reason why we were not able to get pregnant.

Chad's Test

Chad also got checked out and he is not our problem.